Saturday, August 17, 2013

My Best Wasn't Good Enough

As the read over two or three old journal entries last night, I couldn't help to notice a common theme- perfection. Yes, it is no lie whatsoever that I am perfectionist but at some point does it become too much? At some point do I have to give up trying? That's the issue for me, I hate giving up. I can't fathom the fact that I could actually give up on something that could have been attainable or something that I really really want. Perfection is something that I really want.

I can go back earliest to being at my dad's house when I was in forth grade, trying to make sure I did everything right and was perfect, although that is a whole other story of it's own and in my opinion, the need for being perfect there was justified. I still can't help to think that is a little peculiar for a 9 year old to be so set on being perfect.

Although I know that I will never be perfect, I actually truly know this, I still, somehow, try to be. I still get angry with myself when I mess up or do that "imperfect" thing. The thing is, I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to change myself to get this perfection ideal gone. So, until then, I think I am stuck.


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