Thursday, August 22, 2013

Reassurance

So today was a whirlwind day with consequently a whirlwind of emotion. 
Usually, when I get woken up early, I know already it's going to be a horrible day- and it kind of seemed like that. I was supposed to walk to class with 2 people from my dorm, but one girl, my usual savior, overslept, so there I was left left the one of the most annoying people on the planet. Then in my first class we had a pop quiz which I am not quite sure how I did on- it can go either way (usually that means horribly). However, I got back to my dorm after that class and took a nap and felt much much better and ate one of the best lunches since I got here (and talked to my mom which was good and bad). My only other class for the day went well as well and I went back to my dorm and did some homework and stressed the f*** out! 

Later in the evening I had to go to my "Meet my Gamma Chi" night, which I wasn't nervous at all about, until I got there. Then I started to panic again, almost not breathing on my walk home. It didn't help when I arrived back to my room, my roommate was sleeping so I basically couldn't even enter. I grabbed my books and went to the study rooms in the basement (which is basically where I live) and continued to STRUGGLE through my homework. 



Then I realized that my phone charger broke and that was kind of my final straw. I literally had a meltdown and went to every girl on my floor trying to find one I can borrow (I found one!) but I hate asking people to borrow things but I borrowed the charger and then went back to my room trying to find my adapter to my iHome because I could charge it that way and that mysterious went missing. At this point I was one comment away from balling my eyes out (I don't handle stress well). 

However, as I sit here in the laundry room, rewinding because I have barely any cell service, and still trying to resist crying, I can't help to think why I need so much reassurance from everyone. I keep thinking about how in the past days I have doubted everything. literally EVERYTHING. I have struggled through school and tough classes before, why am I doubting myself now? Why do I need someone to tell me everything is going to be okay when I know it is? Why do I need one of these sorority houses to accept me to prove to me somehow that I am pretty and likable? Why?  
I've gotten through these struggles before, why do I doubt that I can't get through them now?


xoxo

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